Lighthouse
by Leelu's skittles
Summary: THe Anti-Bella flu virus is going around. It's even caught her lighthouse - her Jacob Black shaped lighthouse. Poor Bella. Bella/Jacob.
1. Chapter 1

_I finally decided that I should post this, even though I am so unbelievably disappointed in myself for writing a _**twilight**_ fan fiction. *sigh* Please don't be as disappointed in me as I am. It's just…it was in my head after I saw the second movie and wouldn't leave! So I typed it out…and then hoped to never touch it again. But I like to post things, so here it is – part one. (Yes, there is more than one part. Be afraid. Be very, very afraid.) Aso, congrats to Spain for winning the world cup. And Carles Puyol. isn't he a fine piece of meat. _

"What a marshmallow." We both looked at the bathroom door, and I swear Jake smirked. I just _knew_ he was enjoying Mike's early departure from the film, and the way that he was forced to leave. Although, I had been thinking the same thing, although I don't think I would've used the word _marshmallow_ to describe _Mike_. I was glad Jake was here though, even though he took some enjoyment from Mike's illness. He kept me from walking out of the film. It was a shitty movie.

"You should really hold out for a guy with a stronger stomach." I looked up at him, flicking my eyes back to the floor when he looked at me. I hated when he said things like that, because it gave me the wrong idea and I hated it. Jake could be cruel sometimes, though I knew he never meant to be. He was too sweet for that.

"Someone who laughs at the gore that makes weaker men vomit." He continued, unknowing that he was hurting my heart. His cute little fake chuckle didn't help at all.

"Yeah, I'll keep my eye open for that." I wouldn't have to. As long as Jake was near me, I wouldn't have to find a man with a stronger stomach. I swear, that boy would eat anything. We walked a few steps in silence, and then he brushed his knuckles against mine, before taking my small hand in his. I felt like a child, his hand was so large, but it wasn't fair. He probably thought that this was what _friends_ did; he just didn't seem to understand how I felt about him. I don't want to be _friends_.

I even called him beautiful, but he ignored it. _'How hard did you hit your head?'_ He'd asked, using my supposed 'concussion' as an excuse to brush away my complement.

"What, I can't hold your hand?" For some reason, his voice had turned hard and he pressed his lips together. I knew it meant he was angry, he did it often enough when Quill and Embry came around, teasing him about his 'girlfriend.' I can remember the first time they did it; he almost tripped over himself to explain that there was no way I was his girlfriend and he had definitely _not_ said that. Once he'd gotten over the shock of someone insinuating that.

"No, of course you can." I looked at the floor before looking back up into his beautiful eyes. They weren't anywhere near the gold of the Cullen clan, but the chocolate colour just made me feel … safe. I sucked my bottom lip into my mouth, a habit from my childhood. Whenever I was sad or morose, the damn thing just jumped in there. Mum and Charlie could spot it a mile off.

"I just think it, you know, means something a little different to you." And it did. Jake just wanted it to be comforting, to help me get over Edward, just wanted to be friends with me.

"Okay well tell me something, you like me right?" Of course I do, moron, I like you way too much. You'd completely freak if you found out. So all I did was nod. Although, from the look on his face I waited too long, lost in my thoughts. He ducked his head for half a second, and I wondered why there was a glimpse of a frown on his face.

"And you think I'm sort of…" His face, normally a handsome sight, was absolutely gorgeous when he smiled. His hair fell down his shoulders and I just wanted to tug at it. He tried to smother the smile, but couldn't quite manage.

"…beautiful." He finished and then I had a sudden thought. What if… what if he _knew_? What if Jacob Black knew that I really, _really_ liked (maybe, sort of even loved) him and now he was going to make fun of me because of it. It didn't sound like something Jake would do, not in a million years, but… maybe.

"Jake, please. Don't do this." I could tell I was close to tears, and I think he knew it as well. I could feel the tell tale sting behind my eyes and the slightly hysterical feeling that I always got building up in my chest. It would not be good to start bawling in the middle of a cinema (even if we weren't in the actual theatre). I had to sit down, so it did. Turning my back on Jake helped some. I couldn't see his face, unless I looked in the mirror.

"Why?" He asked and I looked up at him, wanting to glare but knowing it was hopeless to try with the building feeling of emptiness and despair in my chest.

"Cause you're about to ruin everything…and I need you." It was true, I did need Jake. He was so energetic, and happy, like a puppy. His teeth were even pointy. Whenever he was near, it was like he just brought me to life. Even the mention of him made me feel happy. If he started to tease me about my crush, I don't think I could handle it. I know that I would regress to what I was like when the Cullens left, but worse.

Because Jake had been my supporting pillar, and now I couldn't live without him. Without Jake, there was no Bella. Not anymore, at least. Simple as that. And, though I could not believe my life revolved around a boy again (and I'd promised myself it wouldn't happen after Edward) I thought that my heart would be safe with Jake. Because he's _Jake_.

"Well I've got loads of time." He paused and I wondered what he was talking about. Time? Does that mean he's going to wait to tease me? Build up his arsenal? Get his friends to help him think up jokes?

"I'm not gonna give up." And, once again, I was about to get crushed. I couldn't help the tear that leaked out of my eye, though I hoped he didn't see it. He was on the other side of me, but I forgot about the mirror.

"It's because of him, right?" I was vaguely confused, until I remembered that Jake thought I was still in love with Edward, and wasn't saying his name so he didn't upset me. But what did Edward have to do with Jake teasing me about _us_ (or the lack of an 'us.')? I was confused. Jake moved from against the banister he'd been leaning against, a really bland kind of colour, and sat next to me. Our knees knocked, and I resisted the urge to snuggle into him. God, he was always so warm. Why was that? Maybe he was just superhot.

Okay, I admit that I just had a mental giggle in a time of crisis. But I'd never been much good with disasters. Thinking about how amazing Jake was, and joking about his body temperature was a way to distract myself.

"Look, I know what he did to you. I would never, ever do that. I won't ever hurt you, I promise. I won't let you down. You can count on me." And I was confused again. While that is incredibly sweet (and such a Jacob comment) why does everything seem to revolve around Edward? Jesus! I'm over the bastard. Jake jerked in his spot next to me. I hope I didn't just say that out loud.

"What do you mean you're over Edward?" Okay, maybe I did. What do I say? Oh, I've been over him for a while (almost since I started to hang out with you, actually) and just continued to avoid the subject because I couldn't concentrate on those gorgeous muscles you proudly display when the though of Edward is about. That probably isn't the best option.

"Bella, if you're over him then why won't you-"

"Well," Mike said as he appeared around the banister. Jake, who had been so close to me seconds before, jerked around. There was silence as I struggle to complete Jakes unfinished sentence in my head. Why won't I what?

"I need to go home." Oh God, I wanted to strangle that man, boy rather. I shifted on the stair, brushing my hair behind my ears as Jake turned to Mike. I have never seen him glare so hard, and seriously, at someone before. Although, the uncomfortable look on Mike's face was _slightly_ satisfying.

"Um, I was feeling sick before the movie, okay." Mike had never been good with excuses. And that was just lame. Jake thought so too, if his noise of _'Psht'_ was anything to go by.

"What is your problem?" Thought the question was aimed at Jake, I so badly wanted to answer 'you.' Because the way that Jake had worded the sentence, and the tone of his voice, before we'd been interrupted didn't give off an 'I'm going to tease the fuck out of you' vibe.

"Right now?" Jake asked.

"You." Wow, telepathic.

"You're my problem." I'd never seen Jake get so aggressive, so fast. Hell, I'd never seen Jake become actually aggressive. The wrestling with Quill did not count, because neither were serious about it.

"Feelin' sick? Maybe you need to go to the hospital." The tone Jake was using suggested, to me at least, that he would gladly find a way to put Mike in the hospital.

"You want me to put you in the hospital?" Hmm, maybe I was the one who was telepathic. Actually, this is not an appropriate moment to be thinking stupid thoughts.

"Jake, Jake, Jake the movie's over." God, I absolutely jumped at any chance to touch his arm, didn't I? I don't actually think that I can fit my hand around his bicep. And there wasn't a chance when he was flexing.

"You're…really hot." I don't think anyone has any idea how long I've wanted to say that. Honestly. Mike's roll of the eyes suggested that he thought I meant what I wanted to mean. (If you get what I mean) But he was actually burning up. As in he was sick.

"You feel like you have a fever, are you okay?" Jake had never been sick, not so long as I'd known him. And I can even vaguely remember when I got the chicken pox at Charlie's, Jake sitting on my bed and eating ice cream out of the same tub. He didn't get chicken pox.

"I don't know what's happening." He sounded confused, and Jake is always so sure of himself. Something was definitely wrong.

"I gotta go." My first instinct was to tighten the hold I had on his arm, but I just let him slip through my fingers.

"That dude is weird." Mike said. I shook my head.

"Mike, do you need a lift or…" I trailed off as he shook his head.

"I already called my mum, she's on her way. Do you need to drive him home?" I nodded.

"See you at school on Monday." Unfortunately.

"I hope you get better really soon." I nodded, waving good bye as I ran after Jake. How the bloody hell was he going to get home? I drove him. His damned Rabbit was out of gas. (And we were running late, with no time to refuel.)

He was no where to be seen, so I ran for my truck. I jumped in and started the engine. I started to roar down the road, waving at Mike's mum as she passed. I hadn't been driving more that a few minutes when I saw him. He was half staggering down the road. I could see him shivering. I sped up. He took half a step to the right, trying to get off the road, but landed on his cute little arse. I stopped the truck.

"Jake!" I cried, running towards him. He tried to push himself up. I bet the loser would've tried to tell me he was fine; if he hadn't over balanced that is. Getting him to my truck was a hassle. He was protesting verbally, but didn't try and get out my (admittedly weak and feeble) grip. I had one arm around his waist gripping as tight as I could and the other was on the wrist of the arm slung around my neck. I'm glad he couldn't see my blush. Holy shit – was every part of him this firm and muscled? He was like a rock wall with abs.

Finally, I got him to my truck, and then had to force him in. My excuse of '_you need some help_' was an excellent cover to grope his arse. Oh god, how much of a perve am I? But, no need to ponder on that right now. He needs a doctor, or someone who could help him. I didn't like the hospital, too many memories, but I'd go there for Jake.

"Take me to La Push." Well, at least I didn't have to go to the hospital. His voice sounded really hoarse. And deeper, kind of. Does that mean he hasn't hit puberty yet, if his voice hasn't dropped? Wow, if this is Jacob Black before puberty…just wow. I amused myself with inane thoughts about the younger teen huddled against my side for most of the trip. He was getting worse, and I think Jake's also giving me a tan. Or sunburn at least.

I was starting to get worried. He was making noises, in the back of his throat. He sounded like an animal. I needed to do something, anything, to calm him down. If he started to thrash, there was no way I could stop him. And I'd probably crash. Like with the bike, but dead.

I took one hand off the steering wheel, thanking God there was no snow, and placed it on his head. I started to stroke his hair, wondering if I could ask him what shampoo he uses to make his hair so soft. His hair looked messy, but my fingers didn't catch one tangle. I untied the back of his hair from that little pony tail type thing. I have no idea what it's called, but it suits him. The tie was made of leather and had some kind of dangly thing on it, but it was too dark to tell what it was and my peripheral vision kind of sucks. I so did _not_ want to take my eyes off the road.

Without knowing it, I started to talk to him. And I told him. About everything. I spilled my guts to Jacob Black. While he was unconscious. Cowardly lion is right. I suppose maybe one day I'd tell him when he was conscious and not suffering from a fever that was making him act kind of like the rabid dog I saw some one put down once. Completely out of it, and jerking and with really smooth fur (I knew the dog before it had rabies) but thankfully he wasn't frothing at the mouth. Yet. If he started, I think I'd have a heart attack.

I might've told him about Tim, the dog with rabies, while we were driving to La push. A lot of useless information came out. But I can definitely remember telling him all this cliché stuff about him being my sun, and how my life was an endless night with out him and his warmth. He was my lighthouse on a stormy sea. I don't know, it probably sounded worse than that, I tend to babble. Eventually, as we got closer and closer to the Black house, I remembered that Jake liked music but, because of my recent aversion to it, he'd not been listening to too much when I was with him. Which was all the time.

I flicked on the radio and found a station which claimed to play 'the hottest songs this side of the equator.' But when I heard the chorus of a Miley Cyrus song, I switched channels. The music on this channel was something more to Jakes taste. Acoustic, easy going. It had a good beat, singing something about a lighthouse, and I half wished the drive to Jakes was longer because the music had a relaxing effect on both of us. And then Jake started to mumble and jerk again, and I sped the rest of the way to Jakes house. (Even though it was only a few meters.)

I switched the engine off and looked around for anyone to help. There wasn't anyone. So I had to lug Jake out of the car. It was hard, especially since I'd stopped talking and he'd started to groan and it was terrifying. Luckily, someone walked past. I didn't even care that it was Sam Uley, the leader of that cult that Jake warned me about. He helped me get Jake into his house and placed him in his own bed, while I talked to Billy. I tried to explain everything the best I could, but I think I lost him when I started to talk about Ripper. (Tim the rabies infected dogs' daughter. Turns out Tim was a Timette)

Billy called Charlie, and assured me Jake would be fine, there was a flu virus going around, and I should probably go before I caught. I nodded.

"Can you get Jake to call me when he's better?" I asked. You know, I really suck at my _'I only care for Jake as a friend act,'_ at least if Sam Uley's face was anything to go by. I said bye to Billy, and he gave me a cookie to tide me over until I got home.

I left it on the radio station the entire way home. It reminded me of Jake, in a good way, rather than the silence that would have been there without music, which would have reminded me of searching for Jake and finding him staggering on the side of the road.

Weeks passed. Weeks and weeks and weeks. And I still hadn't seen Jake. I was getting really worried. Like super worried as Jessica would say. He wasn't returning my calls, which varied in desperation. They went from a simple 'Hey Jake, give me a buzz,' to 'Jacob Black, I will come up there and glue the phone to your hand if you don't ring me back. Even if you have turned into a leper.' I hope that one gave him a laugh.

I spent an entire school night searching for cures for leprosy because of something Charlie said.

I just wanted to hear his voice, to make sure he was okay. I think I might've said that I just wanted to hear his voice on one of the messages. God, how pathetic am I? How love struck? How intently worried about Jacob Black? My thoughts just leapt from one disease to another, one debilitating illness to another. I looked up _cures_ for _leprosy_. Eventually, when my worry became too great, I would bake things for me and Charlie. I don't know why, I just did. I once read a book that said people do all types of crazy things to relieve stress and comfort themselves. But I really suck at baking.

One morning, it was wet and miserable and cold, (surprise!) so I went out to the store and brought packets and packets of cake mix and cookie dough and all types of things. Charlie was at work and I came back from the shops and decided to bake for my sickly ill best friend. I made chocolate chip cookies, white chocolate and macadamia nut cookies and muffins, apple and cinnamon muffins, banana bread and vanilla cake. I knew Jake liked those types of delicious baked goods.

I knew Jake liked _all_ baked goods.

I knew Jake liked almost everything that was edible.

And then I had to go out and buy containers for all the oddly shaped, sickly looking, mainly unhealthy treats. I finally placed the treats in their new homes and used purple sticky notes to write what each of the containers contained. Then, I went to bed. It was cold and the rain was lulling me to sleep. And it was a Saturday. As the rain on the window coerced me into sleep, I decided to go visit Jake and take him the treats myself. I would even take a mask that painters used to avoid paint fumes if Jake was still contagious.

Even if it made look like a weirdo, not like I had much of a good reputation to begin with. And Jake knows that I'm a bit odd. My thoughts didn't stop as I fell asleep, and I had a dream about trying to put a paint mask on a gigantic, huge wolf.

Jake still hadn't answered any of my calls by the next morning, and I'd half hoped he would so that I didn't have to drive in the rain, and I was noticeably worried. Well, I was almost all the time now but my bottom lip had taken refuge in my mouth, you see. So Charlie didn't want to leave me alone to take his fishing trip. I can't understand why they fish when it's raining.

Fishing is different to swimming. When you swim, you're already wet. When you fish, you're trying _not_ to get wet.

"We should be back around three." I nodded, placing the phone back in its cradle. I wondered how many muffins Charlie had eaten, mentally trying to figure out if I'd still have enough to sneak one or two on the way to La push.

"Hey, I don't have to go fishing today." The thought was nice.

"Yes you do." I smothered a smile. Charlie's friends always amused me, always ready with a quick comment and a smile.

"Yeah, you should totally go! Remember to be careful. I'm just gonna chill. Maybe bake some more." Charlie smiled.

"I didn't know you liked to bake. You're good at it." I laughed. Had they tried any?

"Do you want a muffin or two for the road?" I asked.

By the time they left, I was down four muffins.

I packed the remaining goodies in the truck next to me and strapped them in. I didn't want them getting hurt, though I don't think they could've have gotten much uglier. But there were two pretty ones. Out of all the icing I got with the packets, I only iced two muffins. I had made those two muffins specially, so they were more like cupcakes. The icing was purple on one and dark blue on the other. Sprinkles made out the letter 'J' on the blue one and 'B' on the purple, with chocolate chips decorating the 'corners' of the iced treat. I hoped Jake liked them.

The radio station was still turned to the one that was on when Jake first came down with his fever thing. Or his leprosy thing.

The rain continuously got heavier and heavier, and I wish I'd brought a thicker jacket. But if Jake still had that fever I could just use him as a heater, hopefully he wouldn't mind. I arrived at Jakes place mid morning and there he was. Jake.

Jake was walking around. Outside. In the pouring rain. Shirtless. Or at least, I thought it was Jake. But, he had shorter hair. Much shorter hair. But it was his walk, I'd recognise it anywhere. Staring at his bum for a bit, I decided it was Jake. I couldn't count the amount of times I'd had to come up with an excuse as to why I was staring at his butt.

But now I was confused. Why wasn't he in bed, dying from some horrible disease? I leant closer to my dashboard to see who it was, because I was not going out in the pouring rain for anyone _but_ Jake. As I got closer I realised that it was actually Jake. God, did he look good when wet. That little corner of my brain that came up with the most inane (and perverted) comments decided that I should carry around water bombs from now on. Or a hose.

I ran the thought from my mind. This wasn't a time to be admiring Jake (although I had previously thought that anytime was a good time.) this was a time for questions, and shouting, and wondering what the fuck he was doing in the rain if he was too sick to call back and, hopefully, a time for answers. Probably not, though. People don't seem to like giving answers. It could get rather annoying.

I turned off my wipers, switched off the engine and got out of the car, my eyes glued to Jake's hulking figure. Did he get _bigger_? I had not thought it possible but, apparently, it was. I shut the car door, though I didn't hear it slam shut like it normally did. I was too pissed off to care. I had been in the rain under thirty seconds and already I was soaked. Why was a sick person walking around?

"Jake." I called and he looked like he was going to keep walking.

"Hey!" There was not a chance in hell that was going to happen.

"You cut your hair off?" It was the first thing I said. But, can you blame me? He had looked so cute with his hair, it had been part of him (metaphorically and literally) and he seemed … older, fiercer with out it. Wow, his chest did get more defined.

"…And got a tattoo?" I don't think I've ever found tattoos sexy. Until now.

Jake looked slightly ashamed and a bit reluctant to say anything.

"Bella." And his voice was like a low rumble that just spread through my chest, heating me up. Who needs a thick jacket in the rain when you've got Jake? I pushed the (slightly) unwelcome thought out of my brain. He was _not_ going to distract me with his wet shirtless body and husky voice. Yes he was.

"I thought you were too sick to come outside." I couldn't look him in the eye; I was pretty sure all the anger that was building up would evaporate if I saw his chocolate brown eyes. Even with the new haircut and tattoo.

"Or pick up the phone when I call." I was so angry about that, I didn't even care I sounded like a jealous, overprotective girlfriend. I was ready for him to say about how he had been really sick, but had made a miraculous recovery. Or that he was just heading for the phone. Or anything that tried to claim his innocence. And I was so ready to shoot it down in flames.

"Go away." What?

"What?"

"Go away." This was not happening again. I _refuse_ to let this happen again. Edward may have been 'the love of my life', but Jake is my _world_. I knew that if he really wanted me to go, I would. But I wouldn't survive our parting.

"What happened to you?" He stayed silent, not a good thing. He turned to leave, leave me. I slapped his arm, just below the tattoo. I didn't really want to touch it, because I might start to caress it. It did look nice... I snapped myself out of it and glared at him.

"Hey, what's wrong? What happened?" I think my voice was getting shriller and higher in pitch by the minute. I saw people in the background, near the woods. Sam Uley. I blame him.

"Did Sam get to you, is that what happened?" He looked angry, then. And I didn't know why. Jake was the one who told me about Sam in the first place. I so didn't buy his _'Sam's trying to help me. Don't blame him.'_

"If he was trying to help you, he'd let you call me back. I assume he'd the reason you're not calling me back." I said. Jake sighed.

"He's not the reason I'm ignoring you. The reason is those filthy blood sucking leeches that you hang out with. The ones you love. The Cullens."

"What?" This was about the Cullens? About Edward? Why did Jake constantly bring them up? I still care about them as individuals, but I don't love Edward. And Jake kept putting words in my mouth. Maybe Jake was in love with Edward, and couldn't let it go? No, that would be very traumatic for me. And he'd just called them 'filthy bloodsucking leeches,' so I don't think that they're bosom buddies.

"Don't play dumb with me. You know exactly what I'm talking about. You've been lying to everyone. Even to Charlie. But you can't lie to me anymore Bella. Not anymore."

"Jake, I don't-" I was interrupted by a shout from the group, the cult, I'd seen earlier. They were shouting Jake's name. His full name. He hated when I called him that.

"Look Bella, we can't be friends anymore." My heart shattered. I had been miserable when we _were_ 'just friends', how was I supposed to survive with no contact? I loved him!

"Jake, no! I know that things have been awkward between us for a bit and I promise I'll make it go away. I just need some time or something." That was a lie. There was no way I could ever stop loving Jacob Black. Not even if Edward came back.

"No, Bella. It's not you." I nodded, my bottom lip being sucked up again.

"Of course. So that's the line you're pulling. It's not you, it's me? Really?" I asked, shaking my head.

"It's true." He sounded sincere.

"It is me." But nothing would ever make me stay away from him. Even if he turned out to be some type of supernatural beast. That small part of me giggled and reminded me he would be more like a (sex) god. His sigh broke me out of my thoughts that were slowly heading towards the gutter. _Why_ didn't he have a shirt on?

"I'm not … good." There had been another word that he'd wanted to use, but couldn't. What, was he trying to spare my feelings _now_?

"I used to be, a good kid. Not anymore."

Bull-fucking-shit. That's a lie. Jake Black will always been a good kid. You can't change who you are, at the core of you being. Not Jake, anyway. He's too good and pure to ever change. He might look like a bad boy now, but he still had the same, affectionate puppy eyes that made me want to bundle him up with warm blankets and take him home.

Would a blanket even fit around him anymore?

"This doesn't even matter, alright." That was a low shot, telling me I didn't matter.

"This is over." Hmm, where have I heard that before? Maybe last time my still beating heart was ripped from my chest. And I'd thought I could trust Jacob.

"We're not even dating, and you're trying to break up with me." I stopped speaking, and my bottom lip popped back in. I bit down on it, trying to stop the tears, even though they probably wouldn't be seen in the rain.

"But Jake, you promised me." I was grasping at straws.

"I know Bella." Very thin, ratty looking straws.

"I promised you I wouldn't hurt you. And this is what I'm doing. Keeping that promise." I gave a small, hysterical giggle. How does he consider breaking my heart not hurting me? Maybe he meant physical pain. I'm sure if he hugged me with those muscles he could break a rib or two.

"Go home." I shook my head.

"You're my best friend."

"And don't come back." He didn't even pause. He backed away a step.

"Or you're gonna get hurt." He started to run away and I let the tears fall. My last attempt to bring him back was spoken too softly, too late.

"But I love you."

My breathing increased and I started to hyperventilate. I watched him catch up with the others and they all disappeared into the forest. I turned and walked back to my car. The door was open a bit. I slid in, but it was just as cold inside as it was out. My clothes were soaked through, and I'd probably catch a cold. I looked at the seat next to me, filled with edible treats. I wouldn't eat them. When depression sets in again, I'll have no appetite. It's probably better to get a head start.

I searched through the trunk, eventually finding a scrap piece of paper. I scribbled _him_ (Oh God, was Jake going to become the next _Him_ – he whose name must never be spoken for fear of Bella killing herself (not that I'd kill myself)) a note, shoving it on the dash. I placed all the containers, thankfully air tight, on the front porch of Jakes house. I piled them up, made them look neat, and then ran back to the Truck. I grabbed the note and sprinted back, keeping it dry. I didn't want the ink to run.

I wedged it between two muffins, the two iced ones. I walked away from the porch slowly, crying my eyes out in the rain. I jumped up in the truck and started the long, lonely drive back to my house. The radio was on again, playing that stupid song about stupid lighthouses.

I hate lighthouses.


	2. Chapter 2

_This is the second chapter to my twilight story. Ashamed, that I am. Glad that I got two reviews (millie-winks and ladybug82896), completely. So can't wait to see Vampires Suck (a parody of twilight, which is better), most definitely. Night Light is a good book. Read it. Thank you for the reviews!_

I hate lighthouses.

And Jacob Bloody Black.

Absolutely.

Completely.

Irrevocably.

Oh god, I miss Jake so bad. I haven't seen his smile, his eyes; I haven't heard his voice or his laugh. On cold days (almost every day in Forks) I miss his warm body temperature when he's not here. And it's only been three hours since he told me to _'go home and don't come back.'_

I'm so pathetic.

The first time I fell in love _he_ left me. To be specific, he left me alone in a forest – most likely knowing that I would follow him and my sense of direction is completely crappy. Then I found myself plunged into a depression, losing months because of him. The prick. And then I clawed my way out and started to hang out with Jake. Jacob Black. Cute, adorable, safe, caring Jacob Black.

Jake who would have done anything for me, swore that he'd never do what Edward did. And I admit it. I fell for him, hard. As in I just fell from space and expected Jake to catch me – even if he only caught me as a friend when I wanted him to catch me like a lover.

Except he didn't even do that.

He got sick one night and then just cut me out of his life. Is there some sort of Anti-Bella flu going around? One that transcends species? Like Bird Flu? Or AIDS? Okay, AIDS isn't the flu and comparing it is a bit unfair. But seriously! It seems as though Edward caught it, left me, and then Jake caught it, and left me as effectively as Edward did – even if Jake was still in the same town. Kind of.

Was the La Push reservation counted as a part of Forks?

I slammed my head back against the steering wheel. I was sitting in the driveway, in the truck that Charlie got for me, crying my eyes out. I was also soaking wet. I was sure that, if I looked, I would see that my lips had turned blue. But right now I didn't really care. I know that I swore I'd never go back to that catatonic state that Edward had left me in, but it would be so easy to just slip back down...

I was knocked off that train of thought by a sharp rapping at my window. Turning my head, from where it was resting on the steering wheel, so I could see who was disturbing my wallowing – I saw Charlie. Good old Charlie. I unlocked the door and he ripped it open.

"Bella! Are you okay, what is it?" He was frantic, and I just smiled at him. Right now, Charlie was the only positive constant in my life. He wouldn't leave me, or get sick of me. And if that Anti-Bella AIDs strain of the Flu virus even tried to touch him, I'd slap it down. And probably Charlie.

Charlie helped me out of the truck and I wondered when I'd become so weak. I was also feeling a bit woozy. Maybe there was too much carbon monoxide in the cabin? I'd probably been mumbling to myself, and when you exhale carbon monoxide comes out. Carbon Monoxide? That sounds a bit wrong? Maybe it's carbon dioxide. Or vomit. Word vomit.

I wouldn't be surprised if people started to wretch when I talked. It could be a symptom of the Anti-Bella flu.

I think I half collapsed on Charlie halfway to the front door, but I can't be too sure. The next thing I know, I'm lying in my bed and a person I've never seen before is trying to reassure Charlie that I've just got the flu and, if I take this (the man gives Charlie a bottle) two times a day then I should be fine.

I think I might have fallen asleep at this point in time, because the other man disappeared into thin air otherwise. But when I remember starting to think again, it was like I had only just witnessed the man – doctor – handing Charlie the bottle.

I wonder how I got the flu, and a stray thought floats into my head. It was probably Mike. He said he was sick before the movie. I hadn't believed him then (because Jake's theory of _he's a marshmallow_ was extremely valid) but maybe he caught the Anti-Bella flu as well. Oh no, does that mean I've got the Anti-Bella flu? How do I get rid of Bella? Can't just leave her in the forest – or maybe I can!

Wait, no I can't. _I'm_ Bella; I can't leave myself in the forest.

I could leave a piece of paper in the forest though. With the name Bella on it. And then I change my name to...Jill!

Ha! Take that Bella!

But I like being Bella.

Sometimes.

A hand on my forehead brought me out of my musings, which was probably a good thing because I might be a bit delirious.

"Bells, you awake?" I opened my eyes, a bit unsure of when I'd shut them in the first place, and nodded.

"Hey Charlie."

"Why were you sitting in the car all wet like that?" I realised that I wasn't in wet clothes. I had a moment of awkwardness where I realised that Charlie must have changed my clothes, but it passed. He was my Dad after all. He probably changed my diapers and bathed me as a kid. What was the difference? Over a decade and a half of growing plus boobs, no matter how small they are, my consciousness has just informed me. But then I realised that Charlie asked me a question. I should probably answer it – warn him of the danger.

"I think the Anti-Bella flu has got me. You should stay away, or it might get you too." I told him succinctly. He looked confused though, so I realised that I'd have to expand on the new strain of Flu that I've uncovered.

"The Anti-Bella flu is something that seems to pass from person to person and makes them drop me like a hot potato. Well, like a hot lump of metal. Jake likes potatoes so I'm sure that if I was a potato, he would have liked me better. It seems to be confined to men – except for now. I think I've caught it. Do you have an idea on how I can get rid of myself?"

"Why do you think there's Anti-Bella flu, Bells?" I think he thought I was delusional. I know I am, but it doesn't mean that everyone has to know it. So I'll have to explain Anti-Bella flu to him in a way that doesn't make me seem crazy. er.

"Because first Edward left me – and he's been sick for a while. Always, pale, cold skin, temperamental. You know." How else was I going to explain 'Vampire' without sounding crazy? I suppose I could pass it off as the delirium, but then Charlie might ask about it later and, well, I'm a bit shit at lying.

"And then Jake fell sick. He had a fever and was thrashing. I took him home and asked Billy to get him to call me when he was better. But he never did, he caught the Anti-Bella flu. And then when I went to see him today, he told me to go home and never come back. And now I think I've caught it. Or the flu that Mike had. Either way, I'm a bit thirsty." Charlie, the good man that he is, already had a drink on my bedside table ready.

"Tell me everything, Bella." And, as I was already delirious, I did. He couldn't hold it against me. Could he?

I started to tell him everything, starting with when Edward left. I told Charlie about how I just couldn't think of an actual reason to live without the love of my life and then how I managed to claw myself out because of his threat to make me leave. I hadn't wanted to leave – what if Edward came back for me and I wasn't there? I skimmed over that part, but then told him about how I started to have fun with Jake.

I also might have told him about those bikes. Even though I kind of (not really) hate Jake at the moment, I wouldn't want Charlie to go off at him about fixing them up for me. Even though he would completely deserve it. Absolutely. Absolve. Absalom? I liked that movie, Alice in Wonderland. I can remember reading the book as a child. Actually, I never read it. Jake had read it to me while we were sitting on my bed. We'd shared a container of vanilla ice cream. Damn Jake, invading my childhood memories.

I told him about how, whenever I felt the black hole of depression creeping in I would go to Jake. Wonderful, loving Jake. I think I might have cussed Jake out a bit there, but Charlie must have prodded me to continue, so I did. Jake was the reason I'd stayed out of my depression so long. The Depression was like a leech, I told him, feeding off all my negative emotions and making sure that there wasn't any room for good ones.

"But Jake is like salt. The leech wasn't as strong when Jake was around. And then, like a leech that had been drowned in salt, the depression went away almost all the time. Because I was either with Jake, or thinking about him. And for a while there Jake was my best friend. Absolutely. Like Mary Kate and Ashley but without the anorexia. And the crappy movies." Charlie rubbed my hand and my eyes fluttered open. I'd closed my eyes? I really don't remember that.

"But then I started to notice things about Jake. He has a really nice smile, even if his canine teeth are freakishly long. It's kind of cute. I noticed the way his eyes are a really nice, dark chocolate colour. And they're always warm and happy, especially when he smiles. He has a gorgeous smile. And I noticed how he looked without his shirt. That's normally how he works on the Rabbit, that's his baby – his car, without a shirt. He looks very nice shirtless. And his voice is so rich, so smooth, I swear that it caresses-"

"Too much information, Bells." Charlie's voice was kind of strangled and I looked at him to see a kind of grimace on his face. Didn't he say to tell him everything? I thought for a minute, before smiling sheepishly. He probably didn't need to hear what Jacob Blacks voice did to his daughter. Or maybe he was making a list of body parts to rip out of Jake. Ripping out his brain probably wouldn't do much, so all Charlie would have to work with would be his wonderous body.

Charlie had always liked Jake, though. Maybe he'd let Jake be alone with me in my room with the door shut? Charlie liked me and Edward to be where he could see us, or have the door open. But, now that I thought about it, Jake probably wouldn't want to be alone in a room with me.

The Anti-Bella virus might kill him if he were in such close proximity with me.

I wonder if he has a clause in his will that says if he catches the Anti-Bella virus that I can't come to his funeral. I would come anyway, just to spite him. I even gave him those muffins and cupcakes, even though he was a complete prick. And, because I was so worried about him I didn't even get to sneak any on the way up!

From the amused look Charlie was giving me, I might have said some of that out loud. Or a lot of that out loud. I don't seem to be very good with keep my thoughts silent anymore. I wonder if Edward could have read my thoughts, if he would have stayed. If I'd said them out loud more often.

But I don't really want Edward back. I want Jake back.

Charlie patted my head and told me to open my mouth so that I could take my medicine. I did as asked and soon fell asleep again. But I was a bit cross – I hadn't finished my tale yet.

I didn't even tell him about how hard I had fallen for Jake. I didn't get to tell him about the falling from space analogy! I thought that it was a rather good one; maybe it would get me an A in English. Probably not.

That teacher was still a bit annoyed at me for talking with Edward during Romeo and Juliet. I'd always thought that that was a stupid story. Why didn't he wait a bit longer? If he did, he would have seen her wake up and then she wouldn't have had to kill herself. They could have lived happily ever after.

But I guess Romeo and Juliet is a real life story. There are no happy endings in real life. Well, there are. But they're very, very rare and don't happen to people named Bella.

Or Juliet.

Poor Juliet.

The next few days were pretty blurry. I was asleep almost constantly, except for when Charlie woke me up for my medicine and when the phone rang. The phone rang often, and I wondered who it was. So I could go and shove the phone-

"Bella? Are you feeling better?" I turned my eyes to Charlie and smiled. He was so good to me. Why would I need any other man in my life apart from my Dad? Oh yeah, sex. That's why I need another guy. Charlie's great and all, but I don't ever want to think about sex and Charlie in the same few sentences ever again.

Never.

"Much." I was, for example, now sitting up with out a headache. I could think clearly (probably not a good thing) and there wasn't any nausea. This was the first time we'd actually talked since I'd spilled my guts. Half my guts – I hadn't told him about my unfortunate position regarding Jake. Probably a good thing or I might never be allowed near him again. Charlie has been a bit protective since the whole…

'_Hey Sam.' _

'_Hey Charlie, I found your daughter catatonic in the forest because her asshole of a boyfriend broke up with her and left her there.' _

'_Oh, good thing you found her then. I was getting a bit worried.'_

…thing.

"Good. Good. You're, ah, friends have been calling to see if you're better." I raised an eyebrow. Everyone from school had given up on calling me during the whole 'my life is a black hole thing.' So who could be calling?

"Who?"

"Jake Black." Ah. Him. What does he want? Probably to laugh at me. It was a stupid idea to leave the note. But, in my defence, my heart was being broken and I wanted him to know that. If he could even decipher the handwriting. It was pretty bad and some rain _must_ have spilled onto it. Or, with luck, the icing had smeared onto the letter and made it unreadable. And then it miraculously ripped into thousands of pieces and the pieces fell into a puddle.

That would be handy.

"Maybe he wants to return my Tupperware? Or give me back my cupcakes. He's probably eaten them by now – probably ate them as soon as he saw them. The pig."

"I don't think so Bells." Charlie sounded a bit off – maybe his dislike isn't reserved for angsty vampires. He could hate all teenage boys indiscriminately. I think I would be fine with that. Maybe. There was a bit of silence as we both thought of what to say. Eventually Charlie put a little measuring cup filled with medicine on by bedside table.

"I'm gonna head back down stairs." I nodded and drank the medicine, throwing the cup back to him. He left and I quickly looked around for something to do. There were a few texts I was supposed to have read for English, but my gaze automatically slid away from them. That's what the internet is for, after all.

And then my eyes fell on a small book I hadn't looked at since I figured Edward out. The one I got from that small book shop, on Quileute legends. I stumbled out of bed, grabbed the book, and dived for the covers. It was cold out. It was always cold in Forks. I flipped the book open and started to read.

I'd only skimmed before, looking expressly for what concerned Edward. This time I actually read all the different ones. It was pretty interesting – except for when I stumbled onto the legend of the 'Cold ones.' My mind was drawn back to when Jake had told me of the legends originally. He had looked so adorable – though I didn't think so at the time – with his long hair blowing in the wind. That precious hair which was now no longer attached to Jake.

I pushed that memory away, the smell of the sea making me anxious for fresh air, and continued to read. And then I stumbled onto something completely by accident. The ancestors of Jake's tribe. The Werewolves, shape shifters.

'…_In a time of peril, when the Cold Ones were near, the young men of the tribe went through changes. Illness that came quickly, burned like fire, and left as suddenly as it came. Their body temperature would become inhuman, their strength and stamina superhuman. Their bodies adapted to be able to face the threat of the Cold Ones, to protect their tribe and family. The natural enemy of the Cold ones, nature's predator – higher on the food chain, the heroic shape shifters would fight to the death with the Cold Ones and win…_'

I dropped the book. No way. _No fucking way_. This could not happen twice – not to one person. I refused to believe it. And, as if that denial were the catalyst, all different signs started to flood in. The mysterious cult – boys who'd already turned – the fever that almost burnt me – the start of the bodies change. Hell, even before that, he was huge. Was that normal for werewolf boys? But Jake had always been the largest in his age bracket up at the Res! What did that mean?

I snapped the book shut and threw it onto my floor. I needed something to take my mind off the supernatural (mainly the boys that came with it) and I knew exactly the thing. Staggering downstairs I spotted Charlie reading the paper.

"Charlie, I'm sick of being cooped inside. It's a wonderful day outside-" that was a lie, the day was cold and overcast – but at least it wasn't raining "-and I don't feel sick. Can I call Jessica and Angela and go shopping?" From the look Charlie gave me, he was aware that the day wasn't a wonderful as I'd proclaimed it to be. He probably knew was a bit cold away from my heated blankets. He looked at me and, when he sighed, I knew he knew he'd already lost. I was a teenage girl, after all, and shopping was important. Even if I wasn't a very good girl sometimes, there were certain things that cheered me up.

And, roughly an hour later, I discovered that sipping coffee in a little café with two of my friends and plotting which shops to invade was one of them. I'd never had too many close friends, and I'd thought the chance in Forks ruined with my depression. But, sitting like this, I was pretty sure I could get close to the two girls. They were both nice – and put up with me. The last was a very, very necessary quality that was important to become my friend.

Jake was in possession of such a quality.

Or, he had been.

Finishing my coffee, and ignoring the slight burn that signified I'd just skulled the last bit of a still hot beverage, I stood up with Angela and Jessica. First off, we went to a small op shop across the road. Normally, shopping for clothes isn't my thing. I think I might have mentioned not being a very good girl. But this wasn't about the clothes. This was about female bonding. I wasn't a very good bonder either.

But I was trying! Valiantly! And, hopefully, they could both see that.

We were in that op shop for _at least_ an hour, and I didn't once complain of being bored. I even let them dictate which things to try on next. And I might have even bought this really funky, old hoodie that had a cartoon kid on the front in a wolf costume. It was slightly harder than it should have been to convince myself that I hadn't brought it because of Jake.

Not even if the kid on the front looked a bit like the gigantic boy.

We left the shop, me wearing my new hoodie – I was cold in my sweater – and Jessica carrying an entire bag. Angela hadn't bought anything yet. I could understand that. Then we entered a shop that I vaguely recognised. We'd been there before, the three of us, when Angela and Jessica were buying prom dresses. I hadn't been very enthused then – for obvious reasons – but now I was getting a bit giddy.

One really vivid memory I had from my childhood was playing dress up with Renee's dresses. She'd had this red silk one and it didn't fit me at all, but the look on her face when she'd seen me was priceless. It was a mix between pride, happiness, love and anger. Anger because I'd gone through her closet without permission and pride, happiness and love because '_Oh, my little girl's growing up so fast!'_

I didn't touch her make up though. Not a chance.

Some of those feelings were coming back and so when I saw a red silk dress I was drawn to it immediately. Angela had noticed this and pulled it off the rack for me. It was different from every other dress that I'd ever worn. If I had cleavage, it would have been shown and there was a split up the leg.

"Bella! You should so totally try that on. I bet you'd look so beautiful." Jessica pushed me towards the changing rooms and suddenly I didn't have any choice. In fact, it had all happened so fast I think I left my mind on the floor out there. Or maybe I didn't have it when I left home. Either way, I don't think I would have actually tried on the dress if I'd been in possession of my brain. I struggled out of my clothes but kept my new jumper with me as I paraded myself in front of them.

My reasoning was that it was what had my wallet in it.

Jessica's look when she saw the hoodie hanging from my limp grip was a mix of smugness and annoyance. I wasn't sure why, but didn't particularly want to know. Jessica may not act like it some times, but she could be just as smart as Angela – just in different ways. And I was so willing to bet my new hoodie that she'd sense my like for Jake if he happened to walk in. Good thing he was in La Push and she'd never get the chance.

"I was right – you look amazing." Surprisingly, she was right. Turning around, I looked at myself in the mirror. The split was a bit higher than I'd thought. Above my mid thigh.

"And what were you saying about your cleavage? A _man_ would have breasts in that dress." Angela was right too. The pattern of the cup put on the excellent façade that I had boobs. I think I was in love with the dress – but I couldn't be too sure. I also thought I could see Jake standing on the outside of the shop through the mirror. Obviously I wasn't as well as I'd thought if I was still hallucinating and suffering from delirium.

"Bella?" Jessica whispered hurriedly and I looked at her. She was standing in a way so that I was facing away from the window, thankfully.

"Isn't that that guy from the res? What's his name?" She was obviously trying to think of his name.

"Is he massively tall? Muscular? Black hair that used to be long, but the idiot cut short?" Both Jessica and Angela nodded to each point and I sighed. Yes, definitely Jake.

"Then it's Jake, Jacob, Black."

"You should talk to him – he's so totally checking you out!" Angela gave a half squeal. I think she was excited for me, but I wasn't too sure why. Didn't they know that-no. They didn't know that he had completely shut me down the other day, or the fact that he was a shape shifter. Jake didn't even know I knew about the whole wolf thing.

So I turned to the window and Jake gave me a small half embarrassed wave. I waved back, awkwardly. Obviously he still remembered our last encounter. At this Jessica's gaze zipped between the both of us and I could practically hear the synapses firing in her brain. She was going to figure it out and I would be forever mortified.

She suddenly disappeared from my side with an almost superhuman speed and was outside next to Jake. Angela laughed a bit at my face. She grabbed my hoodie and pushed me towards the changing room.

"If you want to avert a disaster, you have about thirty seconds to get changed." I took Angela's advice to heart. Normally I would be afraid of ripping such a dress, but right now I was more worried about what Jessica might say. I knew that if I came out and Jake was laughing hysterically, Jessica had tried to convince him of his feelings for me. And then he'd see me and make fun of me like he hadn't had the chance to yet.

I rushed out of the store to where Jessica and Angela were standing with Jake. He looked up at me, a smile on his stupid handsome face, and to delay talking I grabbed my hoodie from Angela and put it on. It slipped on over my head and I let the hood cover my face.

"Hey Bella." He said quietly and I pushed the hood back.

"Hey Jake." The only sound was that of a cold wind blowing down the street. Angela and Jessica just stood there, a bit awkwardly, and waited.

"How, ah, how have you been?"

"You mean since you said that you never wanted to see me again?" Jessica's mouth dropped open and Angela gasped. I was pleased to see Jake cringe.

"I didn't say that." He mumbled and I was reminded that he was younger than me. But not by that much. I was torn between trying to rip into him as mercilessly as I could and wanting to tackle him in a bear hug.

"Then we must have different meanings of 'Go away and never come back.' What did you mean, Jake?" I think some left over Edward Angst was making its way into the conversation and flinging itself at Jake. I didn't think I was _this_ angry at him. Or maybe I was, but the flu had covered it up.

"I'm sorry Bella…but Sam told me and then I couldn't but I had to and…" He trailed off and let out a noise of frustration. He ran a hand trough his hair and looked at me with _the_ most pathetic look I'd ever seen in my life. I was so close to cracking and forgiving him for everything. Jessica and Angela had, somehow, managed to move behind him and were giving me instructing hand gestures.

Opposite instructing hand gestures.

Jessica's hand gestures were actually quite calm, and I think she was instructing me to be kind and nice. To forgive him, maybe. Angela, on the other hand, looked like she was trying to mutilate and murder some invisible animal. I don't think she's fond of Jake. I sighed. It was worse than having an invisible angel and devil on your shoulders. At least _them_ you could understand.

"Jake, it's fine. I just…always thought that your totem animal was… a wolf." His head shot up and I smiled. I think it was one of those cheeky, evil, 'I know something I'm not supposed to' smiles, but I couldn't be sure. And I wasn't sure whether I wanted it to be one of those smiles.

"And I know that wolves are pack animals. I just thought that I would have been part of that pack. But…apparently I'm not. It just hurt a bit is all." That's a lie; it hurt like a mother fucker. Like if I was a vampire – like Dracula from the movies rather than the sparkly, vegetarian ones who desert heart broken girls in the forest – and somebody shot me with a silver stake that had been dipped in garlic and holy water. And it clipped the edge of my heart so my death was going to be slow and oh so painful.

"Bella…you are a part of my pack. You are the main part of my pack – I'd do anything for you. If I was a wolf." He tacked the last bit on, as a hasty after thought. I barely kept in a chuckle. If I didn't already know, that would be a bit suspicious.

"Then you should take her to lunch." Jessica piped up, and Angela reluctantly nodded while scowling at Jake.

"We were just about to grab a bite to eat and you could tag along." Angela clearly wasn't about to leave me alone with Jake. I'd have to ask her why she was so against him now, when she'd been excited before. And if it's a really, really good reason then maybe I could start to hate him again. Well, not again. I never really hated him in the first place.

Damn that smile.

And those dimples.

And those eyes.

And that ass.

Jake nodded and the four of us headed down the street. Jessica and Angela, the traitors, were walking slightly in front of us. I had no doubt that they were eavesdropping. Well, they would have been if Jake and I had been talking. There was just a kind of awkward silence between us. My eyes flicked around, trying to look into any interesting shops but unfortunately I kept looking back to Jake. Occasionally our eyes would meet, but then we'd both look away.

Just when I was getting bored enough, and annoyed enough, to speak and break the silence, Jake did it for me. Even though he couldn't read thoughts, he could judge my moods accurately enough. He knew when to tease me about not being able to reach the chocolate, and when to chuck it to me and flee for cover. He knew when to laugh and joke, and when to be serious. And, apparently, he knew when to break a silence so I wouldn't start raging at him.

I think that telepathy might be coming back.

"I saw you in the dress...through the shop window. You looked…really…" He trailed off, and I sighed. That telepathy wasn't as good as I'd thought. I think I heard Angela snort from in front of us, and Jake glared at her back.

"Amazing, Bella. You looked amazing and beautiful." And then he ducked his head again. I wondered when Jake had become so shy. But, apart from being shy, he appeared very nervous. I wondered why. But, before, he'd said something about Sam ordering him. Does that mean that he has to do what Sam said? Like Simon says – except I was completely willing to bet that you weren't allowed to fumble these commands.

We ended up back at the café we'd been drinking coffee in originally and, as we sat down at a four seater table, Jake looked slightly ridiculous sitting in the spindly, delicate chair. Jessica looked as amused as I felt, and we shared a smile. It was a good idea to come here. Even if things with Jake went sour, like last time, then at least we could laugh about how stupid he looked afterwards.

Even if things didn't go sour, I would still laugh about this later.

And when he tried to pick up the tea cup…

I was pretty sure it was Angela that had ordered for us. I would have gotten a coffee, but she had chosen some Jasmine tea for us all. Jasmine tea came in delicate, pastel blue tea cups. I think Jessica almost had a fit; she was trying to stop herself laughing that much.

Jake might have noticed this, because he didn't say anything and instead his bottom lip protruded a bit. And I kinda wanted to lean over and suck it into my mouth. But only a little bit. And the only reason was to see his reaction. Not because I was still totally in love with him.

Fifteen minutes later we were still sitting in silence. The three of us girls had finished out tea, but Jake hadn't touched his after he almost shattered his cup the first time. It was sunny outside now, and I was getting a bit hot in the hoodie but didn't want to take it off and draw attention to myself. With a sigh Jake stood up and fished his wallet out of the back of his jeans. He quickly threw some money on the table and fled the café.

I immediately stood up to go after him but paused, looking at my friends. The last time all three of us had gone to Port Angeles I'd ditched them for a bookshop and Edward half way through. I didn't want to do something similar again and alienate them and our friendship. Especially since Edward had turned out so well.

"Go." Jessica said, smile on her face.

"But tell us everything on Monday. Because I remember how you were when Edward left, and I so don't want to see you like that again. So if he hurts you – I have an older brother." Angela said that with such seriousness that I couldn't help laugh at her statement.

"Don't worry Angie – Jake wouldn't hurt me. And _if_ he does, I think my dad would be willing to deputize your brother for a day." And then I ran out of the café. I vaguely recognised that that was the first time I'd ever not called Angela by her full first name. And, I think, the first time I'd referred to Charlie as my dad in public without feeling awkward or forced. I ignored this, though, as I ran after Jake's large figure.

He didn't stop when I called out his name, so I had to catch up to him. Which was actually quite hard, because of his longer legs and sheer determination to escape. So I tried tackling him – except when I jumped on his back he just kept walking. My arms were around his neck, and my legs were around his waist. The only acknowledgement of my presence was, when I started to fall, he took his hands out of his pockets and helped me stay on.

"Jake – what's wrong?" I asked, even though I already knew.

"That letter, that you left with the cupcakes, did you mean what you wrote?" I bit my lip. I didn't think that _that_ was bothering him. I so was not prepared to answer that. I pondered lying for a second – saving myself some heartbreak – but then discarded the thought. Why bother. I'd rather go down swinging this time than sink soundlessly to the bottom of the pool.

"Everything. Especially the part about not sneaking any cupcakes because I was so worried for you." I bumped my head against his in punishment for making me worry. I'm pretty sure he didn't even feel it, but my head hurt for a few seconds.

"And you meant the part about being completely over Edward and loving me instead?" I nodded. That pretty much summed up the entire letter. Jake's voice sounded a bit odd, though. Happier than it had before, but still a bit doubtful. Maybe he was trying to think up a really good joke to rip me down with.

"And the part about being too scared to tell me because you thought that I didn't feel the same way and was going to rip you off about you liking me?" Yeah, that part was especially true. I nodded, hoping I wouldn't have to use my voice ever again. I think I was so nervous that my throat had closed it self up.

"Then why tell me in the letter if you thought that? Why not lie now and saw it was all fake?"

"Because when I wrote the letter I didn't think I was ever going to see you again, and I was upset and crying."

"I got that from the tear drops on the paper." I gave a little cough. I didn't think I'd cried on the paper, but apparently I had.

"And I'm telling you now because, well, I'd rather that I tell you now rather than you disappear from my life and never get the chance." Jake nodded. My head was resting on his shoulder, and I could see the profile of his face from where I was. He was frowning a bit.

"Why did you think that I would tease you? And what made you think that I _wouldn't_ like you back?" I shrugged a bit. I didn't really have any concrete proof, just feelings and conclusions. I'd never liked concrete anyway. Too…grey and concrete-y.

"Well when Quill and Embry came by when we were in your garage and said about me being your girlfriend you practically tripped over yourself to tell them we weren't involved in anyway. And then there are all these other things. And why wouldn't you tease me? I'm pathetic – I'd tease me." Jake stopped walking and let me go. I slid off his back, dropping the last few centimetres. He span around.

"Bella, you're not pathetic. At all. And I told them you weren't because I didn't think you wanted to be my girlfriend. But I do, Bella. I love you. If you were my girlfriend, my heart would beat out of my chest and I'd never stop thinking about you and I'd be the luckiest man in the world. Hell – I think about you all the time anyway." I smiled up at him. He had grabbed my upper arms during his spiel and was shaking me slightly. It was kind of cute – I'd only ever seen him this fired up about his car before.

His chocolate eyes were smouldering, and his hands were actually burning me a bit. His breathing was uneven and I slid out of his grip. He let his hands drop to the side, and his bottom lip poked out just the tiniest bit.

Moving forward, I encircled him in a hug and – standing on my tippy toes – I reached up and sucked his bottom lip into my mouth. His eyes were wide and we were both still for a second. A car honked its horn at us and we both broke away and turned towards the sound. We had been standing in the middle of the road – Jake had been crossing when he'd stopped to shake me.

Jake swept me up into his arms and rushed us off the road, flipping off the guy who was yelling at us. He looked down at me, in his arms, and smiled.

"I think I should take you home Miss Swann. I've got the Rabbit." I nodded. I think I'd tell him that Charlie wasn't at home once he pulled up to my place.

Or maybe a bit after that, when I invited him in.


	3. Chapter 3

I should have told Jake that Charlie wasn't home before we reached my house, apparently. As we drove down my street, he started to get very fidgety. Even if his eyes weren't darting around as though the Devil was after him, every time he saw some one his hands clenched. It was fine for the hand on the steering wheel, but his other hand was holding mine.

"What's up Jake?" His eyes flicked to me and he shrugged.

"Nothing." His voice was a bit strangled though, as if imagining something very painful happening.

"Really?" He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that my driveway was empty, though. I suddenly had an idea what it was about.

"Charlie's car's in the shop. That's him in the window." Jake braked so hard it nearly gave me whiplash.

"Just kidding – he's at work. But that was very helpful. Why are you scared of my dad? You've never been scared of him before." The second time I've called him my dad without being forced in one day. A new record. Maybe I was just getting used to everyone calling him that, and it had started to get stuck in my brain.

"I'm not scared of you dad, why would I be?"

"That's his car behind you."

"Shit!" Jake hunched down as far as he could into the seat, which wasn't very far. But it proved that I was right. (for once)

"He doesn't get off work until six, Jake. Now will you tell me why you're acting like he's going to come castrate you?" Jake flinched at the word _castrate_. This was getting more and more interesting.

"He promised to." Huh? To what?

"What?" Jake seemed to be flinching at every sound now, and I was getting worried.

"After I got your letter and the cupcakes, which were great by the way – I didn't know you baked – I tried to call you. No one answered. So I tried again, several times." I nodded. I could remember the phone ringing, and the annoyed sensation that made me want to do something quite inappropriate to a person I now realised was Jake. Not that I don't always want to do something inappropriate to Jake, this inappropriateness was a bit more violent though.

"And then Charlie answered. I asked him to put you on and he said 'no.' So I asked why, and he told me that you were sick with the flu that you'd caught running after me in the rain. And then he said that you'd told him some stuff." Jake didn't seem inclined to continue, so I tried to get him to continue.

"What stuff?" His bottom lip poked out a bit, and I realised that, when he was sad or anxious, he did the opposite to me. I sucked my lip in, he pushed it out. His was much more adorable, though.

"Stuff like how, after Edward left I was the only thing stopping you from slipping back into depression and how you thought that there was a virus going around that causes people to leave you. He also said that you said that, if you had a choice, you'd rather me than Edward back in your life." Jake looked up at me and I blushed. I could not believe that Charlie had told him that! That was personal! And now Jake had a slight smirk on his face.

I just knew he was going to get a huge ego boost from the nod I was giving him. I was right. The smirk turned into a full blown grin. And he looked so much better than Edward when he smiled. Even when he didn't. Then Jake looked back down to his chest and I realised there was more.

"And then…?"

"And then _he_ told me some stuff." I gathered that, but some more information would be helpful. Did I have to use the threat of calling Charlie and asking him what transpired to get it out of Jake?

"Like what?" God, this was like drawing teeth.

"Like how he found you sitting in your truck, soaking wet, and crying." Oh god, _Charlie_! When you get home, you're so dead. Telling Jake all of that is bad, and then to find out about it is _mortifying_. I've decided that his dinner is going to be black and burnt. Practically inedible, except he'll have to eat it because I'm not letting him get take away.

"And then he said to me: '_Right now I am a very angry man. A very, very angry father. A very, very, _very_ angry sheriff. And you, Jacob Black, have just broken my daughters' heart. The last person that did that was lucky to leave the county before I found him. You, however, I know where you live. If you even come within a hundred feet of my house – I'll castrate you. And then rip out your heart and bury your body so deep in the forest that not even God can find you. Your heart, though, will go on my mantle as a prize and a warning to every other person who even thinks about hurting my Bella._'"

I nodded. Charlie must have been very angry. And Jake had probably caught him in a bad mood, or when he was tired. Jake was so jittery, and I'd never actually seen somebody scared of Charlie. I couldn't help it. I laughed. Jake looked at me like I was insane and then scowled. He continued down the road, and I realised that we'd been idle in the middle of the road while Jake explained it to me. I was glad that Charlie hadn't come home early, or else he probably would have booked Jake.

He pulled up next to my house and we both hopped out. Jake still looked a bit jumpy, but I took his hand and led him to the porch. I took out my key and opened the door. Jake was, most definitely, hesitant to enter. I had to reassure him several times that, yes, Charlie was at work and, no, he wouldn't materialize in thin air just to inflict severe bodily harm. Jake sat tenderly on the lounge and I rolled my eyes.

"I'm going to get a drink – want anything?" He perked up and gave me the sweetest smile he could manage which, I'll admit, was pretty damn sweet. I think it gave me a cavity.

"Do you have any more cupcakes?"

"They were muffins, and no. I've been sick so I haven't made any. We could make some later, though." Jake, who'd dropped a bit at the mention of my illness, perked back up. He nodded and I laughed. I opened the fridge and took out some cordial. I knew Jake liked the green cordial, so I got out two cups anyway. I snuck a look back at him and chuckled.

He really does look like a wolf. Kind of. But more of a puppy, and less like he'd be able to kill a vampire. Jake's head snapped up and for a second I wondered whether he really was telepathic. It took him three steps to reach me.

"What did you say?" Oh _shit_, I said that _out loud_? Not good. I didn't want him to know I knew. What if he didn't want me to know and I knew? Would he go back to being all '_We can't be friends anymore, gaargh._'

"Say...?" he gave me a look, and I tried to be innocent. Or, look innocent. Not too good at acting, though, apparently. I really needed to get better at internalising.

"Yes, you do need to get better at internalising. You always say things, and then not realise that it's actually come out. Maybe your brain mouth function is faulty." Jake suggested, and I shrugged while nodding. It was quite possible that that circuit had blown, many, many years ago, because of too much strain.

"Do they sell those switches in the same place that some parts of The Rabbit were sold? Because that would be helpful." Jake chuckled, taking the one cup of green cordial I'd managed to pour so far and walking back into the lounge room. That was a close one.

"Oh, I haven't forgotten. I was just waiting for you to get a drink." I just looked at him. There was no way that I said that out loud. Jake smiled at me as he sat down, shaking his head.

"You didn't say anything, don't worry. I just know you – and that look of short lived relief." I nodded, pouring myself a drink. At least he's not telepathic (and I'm not completely hopeless). But, if only he was as easily distracted as I am – then I wouldn't have to explain my wayward not-really thought-speak. I, of course, took my sweet time walking back into the lounge room.

"So." Jake said when I sat down. I took a sip, and he rolled his eyes.

"So." Jake would probably strain his eyes soon, if he kept rolling them. I was happy to do this all day, really. I had nothing important to do – except for ringing Jessica and Angela later so that Angela's older brother didn't get the word to go 'knock some sense' into Jake. Or, try to, at least.

"Do you know, Bella, how wolf packs work?" I shook my head. Not really. If I had had more time between figuring it out and seeing Jake again – rather than the measly half a day I was given – I probably would have looked it up.

"Well, everyone obeys the Alpha. Alpha's can be given many names; and with some Alpha's it's kind of like Simon Says. Except Simon isn't his name." I thought for a second, before I figured it out.

"So you can't say anything, because Sam told you that you couldn't?" Jake nodded, and I was so proud that I was successful in my guessing. Normally when I guess, especially with 50/50 guesses, I get it wrong. Bad luck, and all. But something was different with Jake. I felt luckier with him – maybe his extreme good luck (sometimes known as amazing muscles and hotness) negated my normally bad luck.

"So how much do you know?" He asked, and I tilted my head. Not much – but I wouldn't let him know that. If I acted like I knew more than I did, I could get more information from him.

"Well, you're a kind of werewolf. More like a shape shifter. You have a pack, with Sam as the Alpha. It's genetic, passed down through certain families in the tribe and awoken by the presence of the Cold Ones – i.e. the Cullens and their vampirish ways – so you can protect your families. Two plus seven hundred and fifty seven is seven hundred and fifty nine. I also know that, with Chuck Norris, anything plus anything equals one. One round house kick to the face!" Yes, I did quickly run out of things I knew about him being a werewolf.

And yes, I did resort to a Chuck Norris joke. You have no idea how many Chuck Norris movies Charlie is in possession of. It's not funny. At all. Well, the movies are funny, but the sheer amount Charlie owns (not to mention the Chuck Norris memorabilia he has stashed around the house) is what isn't funny.

"Did you just make a Chuck Norris joke?" I nodded, blushing a bit, and took another drink while I looked at my shoes. When I looked back up, Jake had a huge smirk on his face.

"The Devil didn't go down to Georgia because he was looking for some souls to steal; he went to Georgia because Chuck Norris took over hell for a few weeks and told the Devil to get the fuck out." I laughed. I couldn't help it. It was funny, for one, and the fact that Jake could say a Chuck Norris joke from the top of his head was just amazing.

But then again, he did grow up around Charlie and, for all I know Billy is just as big a Chuck Norris fan as Charlie. That's a scary thought.

"There isn't a chin underneath Chuck Norris' chin – just another fist to punch people with." That is the second of my three Chuck Norris jokes. The last joke is not for consumption by small children. But, if Jake didn't rescind the Chuck Norris Joke War, then I would have to pull it out.

"Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo." Ooh, that was a good one. But I will not be bested in this Joke War. Well unless, of course, he has more than one joke left in his arsenal. I hope he doesn't. I hate losing – kind of why I don't compete very often. I get unbelievably competitive and so agro that it's not funny. Well, it's funny to other people. I just take it seriously. Seriously.

"Chuck Norris once fucked a dump truck. Nine months later, Optimus Prime was born." There it is – my big gun. I'd heard Charlie say it once, when I was little. It had stuck with me – probably for the fact that he swore in it and then tried desperately to bribe me into forgetting it. And that it says that Chuck Norris fathered Optimus Prime. Jakes choked laughter was worth it. But then he used more jokes, the bastard, and won the war.

"Science Fact: Round house kicks are made completely from an element called Chucktanium. According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris _can _actually roundhouse kick you into yesterday. Chuck Norris can't finish a colour by numbers because all his crayons are made from the blood of his victims. And blood only comes in one colour." I smiled, and thought for a second. If he wants to go with science facts, then I can give him a maths joke.

"Chuck Norris can divide by zero." Jake huffed in amusement. Hopefully he actually got it. Not sure if he'd been taught that in maths yet. Does he even do maths? I never see him with homework. Does he get any? Or maybe he just doesn't do it. The Slacker.

"Chuck Norris went sky diving but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough."

"To be or not to be, that is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris." I am good – making these up as I go now. Thank you, Charlie, for instilling the useless Chuck Norris things in my head. Actually, Charlie has probably told me these jokes before – but I am so claiming them as my own.

"If Chuck Norris is late, Time better slow the fuck down." I laughed a little too hard at that one. Maybe it's just the way Jake said it that was funny.

"Chuck Norris can touch M.C Hammer." Yes, I could hear the radio, and yes, M.C Hammer was rapping his little heart out.

"Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage."

"Chuck Norris doesn't get wet – water gets Chuck Norris."

"The grass is always greener on the other side. Except for when Chuck Norris has been there. Then the grass is most likely soaked in the blood and tears of his victims. Chuck Norris can set fire to an ant with a magnifying glass. At night. Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King – and got one. Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just not his. Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill. Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer. Quickest way to a mans heart? Chuck Norris' fist."

I was in hysterics. Giggling so hard that I couldn't breathe. I eventually calmed down though, and Jake had the biggest grin on his face. The jokes weren't actually that funny (and I'd heard some of them before) but Jake always makes me laugh. Sometimes with words, other times because his face looks a bit funny.

"You think my face looks funny?" Damn that faulty brain mouth connector switch.

"Rarely." That was a nice save. He huffed in slight amusement again, shaking his head. We both drank some green drink. My was nice and strong, more like a three quarters green drink to one quarter water ratio. Nice and head ache inducing.

"You know what?" I shook my head.

"What?" I wanted to know.

"Chuck Norris is so amazing that not only is his hair not actually red, just a little blood stained, but he knows that, out in my car, there's a book that explains everything about the legends and truths of my tribe. He even knows that it's in The Rabbits dash. And that it will, miraculously, end up in Bella's room where she's going to read it. Isn't that guy just awesome?" I had giggled at the first half joke, and then smiled as he skilfully avoided Sam's commands. I coughed into my hand.

"Oh dear, I've left my jacket in the car. I should go get it." And then I was gone. Jake, of course, had left The Rabbit unlocked. I grabbed the book from inside the dashboard and looked at it. '_Conveniently not written by Jake Black about Quileute lore for Bella Swann._' He was a master of subtle. I headed back inside.

The book went up in my room, and I detoured to the kitchen before I returned to the lounge room. I had one of those 67 cent home brand packets of vanilla cake mix in my hand, and I shook it a little.

"Want to bake?" I asked and he nodded, draining his drink before standing up – bringing my cup into the kitchen like the perfect domestic man. How adorable. Jake just shook his head at me, but didn't say anything – leading me to believe that it was my expression, rather than my traitorous mouth, that lead to his look.

We started to gather all the ingredients, and threw them into the bowl. I was quite proud of myself, with the fact that I can crack an egg with one hand. I had skill like that, you see. And then he one upped me, cracking two eggs with one hand each – both went into the bowl.

"Jake, you are amazing." At least this time, I was aware of what I said, rather than thinking about something Jake related and then accidentally blurting it out. There is probably a mental disorder based around that – and maybe I could get pills for it instead of replacing the dysfunctional part. Something like Word vomit-itis, or no-brain-mouth-connectionnia. I would explain a lot, and those pills would be helpful.

"So you think I'm amazing and sort of beautiful?" Of course he remembered that I called him beautiful. Why wouldn't he? If he forgot, then it would be one less embarrassing thing that people knew I'd done. But, since it's Jake, I don't mind so much.

"Yep. Amazing, sort of beautiful and a complete idiot. For one, the mix only requires two eggs – not three. And you cut off your fantastic hair. It was so silky and soft. I actually have one of your hair ties in my truck still. It...ah...fell out when I drove you back to La Push when you first got sick." That was a lie, I had take it out on purpose when I'd ran my fingers through his hair. The charm on the end that I hadn't been able to see properly was, unsurprisingly, a wolf.

"I cut my hair for a couple of reasons, Bella. First, it's easier to deal with now. Do you know how long it took me to brush it sometimes? And secondly, when I transform, I looked like a yeti!" That was interesting. Did that mean that, if he was bald, his wolf would be furless? A funny, and very tempting, thought. Maybe one night, while he sleeps, I could sneak in and shave his head. And then laugh. Hard.

"Also, just chuck another packet in – and another egg and some more milk. Then you're all set and we get more cake." That was a sensible idea, so I added the other vanilla packet mix. More cake was never a bad thing. Would have to find a bigger tray though.

"Mix this please." The worst thing about baking, apart from the waiting time, was the mixing. I hated mixing. So tedious, and I always ended up eating the batter. _Always_. Not all of it (most times), but there was definitely not a full batter mix that went into the oven. I really hoped that Jake could do a better job than me. At both abstaining from the temptation of the batter, and stirring with those muscles.

Those muscles which were currently flexing and moving deliciously under his skin, and tight white shirt -best fashion statement ever- as he stirred. I think he might be hypnotising me.

Asking Jake to stir? Best idea ever.

"...lla?...Bella? Bella? Hello? Anybody in there?" I jerked slightly, coming out of my muscle induced reverie. It should be illegal, and was most probably very sinful and the thoughts produced will most likely send me to hell, the way Jake moved and looked. Honestly, I'm only a teenage girl. My poor little brain, and overworked but neglected hormones, can't concentrate under such harsh conditions.

A bit pitiful, really.

"We need a bigger bowl." I nodded. Yes. Yes we did. I opened the cupboards under the sink and retrieved a cake tin that had probably received more attention during the time Jake was sick than the rest of its poor little life. Jake had started to poor the mix into the tin, and I buttered the second one so he could continue his fantastic job.

They were both shoved into the oven, which the wonderful Jake must have preheated while I was off in space, and then came the best part of making a cake. No, not the cleaning. Weirdo.

Licking the bowl.

But there were two of us. I met Jakes eyes over the bowl and devised a devious plan to get the bowl away from Jake so that I could have it all to myself. Selfish? Yes. Did it get me the cake mix in the bowl? Yes, so I was willing to be a little selfish. Plus, the look on Jakes face when I asked him if he thought that was Charlies car would never get old.

I snatched the bowl out of Jakes panicked hand and ran for the lounge room. I heard him groan when he realised that he'd been duped and, unfortunately for me, Jake not only had supernaturally good looks, but the speed and strength to go with it. By the time I'd reached the lounge, Jake had his arms wrapped around my waist and we both fell onto the lounge.

But I still had the bowl.

We battled over it for a little while, sticking our fingers into the bowl and trying to get the most of the batter. It was quite fun. I'd done this several times with friends back in Arizona, but it seemed so much better with Jake. And then the Ultimate Victory.

The last substantial amount of batter left in the bright yellow mixing bowl, and it was on my finger and headed straight for my mouth. Except then I realised that I had not achieved Ultimate Victory. Not because Jake had stolen the batter, but because Jake had just leant forward and _licked_ the batter off my finger. Ultimate Victory suddenly had nothing to do with cake batter.

I leant forward slightly, tilting my head, and Jake leant forward as well. Our lips met and for the first time, probably in the history of the world, I thought of nothing. Absolutely nothing. And then the moment passed and my thoughts revolved around the fact that Jake Black – _Jacob Fucking Black_ – had his wonderfully soft lips pressed against mine. And, oh God, if that wasn't the most sexually arousing kiss that I've ever had.

Even if it was only a chaste peck on the lips.

"What the hell is going on here?"

And then Charlie really did come home.


	4. Chapter 4

Hello everyone, my house caught fire early yesterday morning, Tuesday 20th of November. My house was gutted almost completely, and no remains of my laptop can be found at all. I've found a few of my thumb drives, but they aren't really working too well. This note is just to say that any updates will be suspended for a while. Temporary hiatus at worst, I'm optimistically hoping for. I'm sorry about the delay, but I'll going to try and write up some new chapters, mainly to keep myself occupied. This note will disappear once I'm ready with an update.

Love, Leelus Skittles.


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